Survivor!!

Just over a week ago I transitioned from Cancer Patient to Cancer Survivor and it is an awesome feeling. I finished my last chemo treatment and no longer need to get any IV medications. It was also the time I celebrated the one year mark from the time of my diagnosis. It was a bittersweet celebration. The bitter part is the cancer. The sweet part is that I am healthier today than I was one year ago. I am exercising, eating better and about 10 pounds slimmer than at the time of diagnosis.

I cannot say at this point that I am glad I had cancer. I just decided to let it help me become a better person. It also helped me get my life in perspective a little better. I had a 'business partner' who had not been carrying her own weight for the past two years and I finally had the courage (and strength) to ask her to leave. It took over four months and a lot of frustration but she is finally out of my office and I am much happier and less stressed. I am also working a little less and trying to spend more time with the kids. My son does not like me leaving the house early (5:30 AM) for work so I decided to start late two days per week so I can take both kids to school.

This weekend is a celebration time for me also. It was exactly one year ago yesterday that I was near deaths door with a neutropenic fever from the chemo (my white blood cells were almost completely wiped out and I was susceptible to everything). It was the first time in my life that I really thought I might die. Most people are in the hospital in almost complete isolation and with very few visitors allowed. I knew my oncologist well so he agreed to let me stay at home and come in daily for IV antibiotics. I did bring easter eggs to the oncology staff at the clinic to try and keep the day upbeat. It was the first time in three days that I could stand for longer than 10 minutes and I actually realized that I was going to live and make it through the ordeal.

It was such a rough few weeks after the diagnosis that I decided the entire month of April will be a celebration of life for me. I am spending six days in disneyland with my family since we all went through this ordeal together and we needed something to look forward to and pull us through. We promised the kids disneyland and April seemed the perfect time to celebrate. One day was definitely not enough so we decided to totally celebrate and do six days and stay at the hotel in the park to make it even more special.

I am not sure when (and if) I will truly believe that the cancer is gone for good - but for right now I feel great and life is going very well overall. I guess all I have is right now and for once it is okay... That is coming for a serious planner (or anal planner if you ask my spouse) so that is pretty amazing. I guess we really can change if we try hard enough. My stress reduction class that I took recently was all about 'living in the moment' and it was very eye-opening for me and a whole new way of living life.

Tomorrow's celebration will be a nice hike - hopefully at least 3 miles after a fun morning with the kids. It should be memorable for a lot of reasons...

surgery

Well, I made it all the way through the radiation and it took another four weeks for my skin to finally heal. I had about six weeks of red, blistered, weeping skin - but it finally did heal. I did have some fatigue with the radiation - but nothing compared to the chemo. It was just having raw, tender skin in an area that seemed to be a prime target for my kids to touch, hit, squeeze, etc. Some days it felt like it had a target painted on it...

I found out right around Christmas that the medication I was scheduled to take (tamoxifen) for the next five years to prevent recurrence - was not metabolized well by my body. The only other choice was to put my body into menopause so I could take an alternate medication (an aromatase inhibitor) or just skip the oral meds. The oral medication will reduce my already low risk of recurrence by about 45% - so I was willing to do what it took to take the meds.

I bit the bullet and friday (2 days ago) I had my ovaries removed (instant menopause!!) so I can take the AIs. The surgery went very well and I went home the same night and am just a little sore but pretty much back to most activities in just two days. The emotional part may take more than two days to heal. We just will have to wait and see.

The good news is that I planned a family adventure to Disneyland at the end of April. It will give me something to focus on for the next few months. It should also give me plenty of time to heal and get my body and emotions back in shape. I might even be able to keep up with the kids and that will be truly awesome.

I have been working out pretty regularly before the surgery and am hoping to run a 10K in May (so get ready Eric and Meri!!). I promised my surgeon I would take a few days off of exercise after the surgery but plan to work out either tonight or tomorrow to see how things go.

Catching rays...

Whew - time is flying! I have been so busy attending radiation sessions daily and keeping up with work and playing with family, that I have not updated things in a while...

Radiation has gone pretty well so far. The first four weeks seemed to fly by. I had some itching on the skin and a few mild expected rashes. It was all very bearable.

Things got rough about 10 days ago when I had my first burn from the treatment. They did not seem too worried and told me that it does happen (and everything I read said it could happen also) - but it still hurt a bit. After two more tretments, the area was very painful. I thought over the weekend, it would heal, but that was not the case. Last saturday, I was so miserable that I used my aloe vera gel five times and was having to sleep with a 1/4 inch thick layer of it on and nothing touching the skin. I was bummed because I missed sledding with the kids and a few other fun activities.

This week, I discovered why the pain had worsened. I had gone from first degree to significant second degree burns over about a 8x10 cm area (ouch!!!). My regular oncologist was a bit too backed up so they had me see his partner who seemed unconcerned and told me to try some burn cream and basically tough it out.

The pain had somewhat eased throughout the week - as the skin sloughed and the virgin red skin became evident. I was doing pretty well - even though a bit concerned until last night. On the way home from a holiday party, I rubbed the front of my chest (different area) and noticed my skin sloughing in that area also. I now have about 25x20 cm areas of second degree burns on my chest and am not too excited at anybody getting too close to me. I decided to forego the final two treatments - since this is a very minor part of my overall treatment regimen and it is even debatable if I should do radiation at all. Steve has kind of brought up the fact that it seems pretty counter-intuitive to continue radiating very burnt skin especially when it is trying to repair. I have a feeling I may have just increased my risk of skin cancer by about 20-fold in the area. I guess I cannot sunbathe in a bikini anymore - bummer!! No nude beaches either!

Otherwise,I am doing well and keeping in good spirits. This has just been a drag on an already very stressful two weeks. The good news is that I feel pretty well otherwise. The radiation does make me a bit more tired - but my immune system is in good shape. I have not taken anything for pain other than a few ibuprofen since the pain is severe only when I get the bright idea to put lotion, aloe vera or burn cream on the area. I get about two minutes of severe stabbing pain as my virgin skin gets used to having something penetrate it - then it dulls to an annoying ache.

I have found that a warm bath with baby oil is awesome! I have also found thinking and fantasizing about my upcoming visit to family and friends is therapeutic also. The beach is a very welcoming thought at about this point (just not in a bikini!).

Radiation...

I have done very well since my surgery and seem to be healing quickly. I am back to work already (of course!!) and things are going well overall. It is hard to be away for long when you are a business owner - but I managed to be gone for over three weeks!!... Things went okay overall - but it is good to be back.

I started radiation today - after a failure yesterday. I seem to pose challenges for the oncologist and physicists - but am not quite sure why. It seems to be related to my body shape and where the cancer was located. They had the computer crunch the data again and came up with a new plan that will deliver the radiation in the right places and dosages. I had the first of 30 treatments today and will get the rest over the next six weeks. It is a pretty simple procedure and takes about 10 - 15 minutes. It is just a drag to show up five days per week at their office - but since I want to live another 20 or so years, I will follow the plan.

Life is busy as usual - but it keeps me from feeling sorry for myself and keeps me from getting bored. Our house is all decorated for Halloween and the kids are excited about the holiday. They have their costumes all picked out and they are making lots of decorations and cards for family members. We even made chocolate chip cookies this weekend and picked out pumpkins.

I joined a gym and am trying to work out regularly and get my body in pretty good shape again. I have most of my energy back and am feeling back to my old self - so that is very nice. I may get a little tired with radiation - but it will be nothing like chemo and should be overall pretty easy to handle.

Thanks again for all the thoughts and prayers on this journey. It does help!

Healing...

I am healing very well since my surgery and am back to most of my activities. I had to keep one drain in place for two weeks - so that limited activities a bit, but not much. I celebrated having the drain removed by taking a 3 mile hike with my sister :-). It was a beautiful Colorado day and we decided to make the most of it.

I have been getting things done around the house and my sisters have been helping me tremendously both mentally and physically. I managed to get me sewing machine out and help both kids make a pillow. (I am a bit challenged in this arena - so a pillow is about my limit.) I did some cooking and tried a few new recipes. I think I have played over 20 games of monopoly jr. with Natalie and about 10 games of Thomas with Andrew. I am just happy he now prefers dominoes - since that one is definitely more enjoyable for me.

I am enjoying sleeping in and I think the kids enjoy having Mom around in the morning. Andrew and I like hot breakfasts when the weather is cold - so we have fun 'cooking' in the morning. I have been exercising and doing arm stretches so my range of motion is pretty good.

My office seems to be doing well overall in my absence. The doctor who is covering for me had a family emergency so I may go back to work a week earlier than expected. I will miss reading books, afternoon naps, and relaxing - at least that was the plan next week - but it will be good to get back to work because I really love it. I might have actually started to get bored if I was home too much longer. It was more enjoyable than I had realized - at least once the drain was out and I slept at night.

We all had so much fun at the cabin in New Mexico last month that I have a long weekend planned the first of next month. I love watching the aspen turn color during this time of year so I planned for us to stay right at the edge of Rocky Mtn National Park. We are going 'camping in the mountains' as Andrew likes to say - but it is really a nice room at the YMCA. It will be warmer than a cabin and will have a full bathroom - which I will enjoy. There is a good chance of having snow - so I really did not want to try a public shower after walking in the snow and freezing. It should be a good adventure in any case.

I will probably start radiation therapy in a week or two. My appointment was supposed to be yesterday but we had to reschedule a few times. It will be a five week commitment so I hope to start in just over a week so I can finish by Thanksgiving and then officially start the AC (after cancer) phase of my life. I have not been able to give up carrying sanitizer in my purse yet - but hopefully soon I will feel okay without it and be able to trust my body and immune system. I did get my flu shot and will probably go for the H1N1 as soon as it is available just for extra protection.

Miracles do happen!

I do believe in miracles! I just received the news that when they looked at the breast tissue (which was the entire breast) and 26 lymph nodes - they found not one single cancer cell!!

Chemotherapy and all of the prayers and thoughts from all of - cured me of my cancer! Again - NO EVIDENCE OF CANCER AT ALL!!

I am recovering well from my surgery. I am off of all pain meds but may take an ibuprofen here and there until my drains are removed - hopefully on friday. I am moving my arm pretty well - considering the surgery they performed (lymph node dissection).

My sister Mary just left after a great visit. She was a great help before, during and after the surgery - as was a host of good friends. I have my other sister Kathy and my Dad coming tomorrow to help out and do some good bonding with the kids.

Tonight though, we are celebrating that I am now cancer-free! I just need to heal from this surgery and I will be doing some more celebrating!! I cannot wait to see the ocean and walk on the beach. That is my gift to myself once the radiation is over. I think my beautiful daughter will share in this experience with me - since we are both 'ocean girls'. I think we will also be attending the 'Joy of Christmas' os something like that at the Crystal Cathedral - because I do believe in miracles.

Thank you, thank you, thank you - and keep the prayers coming!

Doing well...

I made it through surgery with flying colors! I stayed in the hospital a little over 24 hours and was up walking and moving my arm within 3-4 hours after surgery. I was actually amazed at how little pain I had. It does hurt and ache some, but not as bad as expected - which is nice.

I have my sister Mary and Steve helping out at home. I am getting yelled at for doing too much and using my arm too much - but it is hard for me to sit in the sidelines... I am not doing much lifting or ready to bench press - but I can move my arm about 30% of my normal range of motion - which is pretty awesome for just coming out of surgery.

One of my best friends Stephanie - took both kids for a sleep over the night of my surgery - so that was a great distraction for them and a chance for all of us to rest and slow down a bit. The kids loved their 'first sleep over' and were plenty exhausted when we picked them up in the afternoon (Thanks Stephanie and Ken!!!).

I am going to do my best to relax and not lift or use my arm too much over the next few days - but it is hard when I do not have much pain :-). I am also anxiously awaiting the final pathology report on the breast tissue and lymph nodes.

Thanks so much for all the great thoughts, prayers, cards and warm wishes. They help tremendously! I am sure they are a big part of why I am healing well. I am going to catch up on my books and movies over the next few days. Email me with any good suggestions.